It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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