I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
