Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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