ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
