guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
