I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
How does it feel to date your dad?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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