i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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