So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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