i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
