when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i don't like sucking hair
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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