i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
