why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
