hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
