if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
There was a lot of him and a little penis
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize