C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
