dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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