if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
