my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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