If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
