You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
