i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You ate ashes out of my bong
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
