girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
