8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
