alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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