i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
