I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
