She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
