I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
