so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
