My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
