I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Found your dick twin last night
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
