remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
