You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize