He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
