jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
