Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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