low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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