There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
