Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
