So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
