hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize