What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize