its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
