we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Fuck me I smell like cheese
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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