shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
