It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
