all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
