Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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