my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
