gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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