i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
