he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I want to be your penis for a week.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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