If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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