I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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