put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
