id be glad to
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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