I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
