just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
