My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
