so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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