Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
