It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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