After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I want her autograph on my taint
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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