you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
