Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
