well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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