one word: firstdatebathroomanal
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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