nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
