He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize