I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
